A Love Letter To Mom…

This Love Letter to Mom is my way of letting the beautiful woman who brought me into this world know that…not only do I love you Mom, but I see you.

Before sharing this I had to put a lot of thought into the idea, and of course, out of respect for my mom, it was important for me to get her feelings on it. And while we were talking about it, we realized, more healing was happening. It’s not the first time our conversation has presented opportunities for healing. It’s sort of a given, by default for the both of us, that this healing will continue to take place for the rest of our lives. And that’s okay as long as we are both willing to continue doing the work, which thankfully we are.

Life is a constant journey of expansion and contraction and the moment the work ends, the moment the growth ends. 

The truth is, our journey was very different from many mothers and daughters. We faced some brutally tough times. It hasn’t always been easy to face the judgement that others place on our relationship…all of the opinions about how they would have done things differently…I have a really hard time with that one. My mom went through unbearable things that no child or woman should ever have to go through. And by default, survival had to become a constant theme in her life. And you just can’t know unless you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes…you just can’t.

And sure, in certain moments I would have liked to hit rewind and start all over again with a different childhood story, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat, because without the way things were I would have missed out on so many valuable lessons. Lessons that shaped the way I am, and for that, I’m grateful.

So, why does all this matter to you? Well here’s where I ended up with this…I know that we are not the only mother-daughter, mother-son, father-daughter, father-son, who have gone through tough times, and I know that some of you have had to face much tougher times. So, this letter serves as a two-fold purpose…first, a celebration of love and healing, and second, to inspire any of you who may be reaching out for the same.

I want you to know that you are not alone. You absolutely can find the strength to conquer the pain, and through the process, eventually replace it with love and gratitude. Do it for yourself first, and then for one another. Trust in the hard work and journey.

If you are in the valley of pain or trauma, my deepest hope is for to you to experience the beautiful freedom that comes from being able to release all that pain and start to heal. Because the truth is, you are so worth it.

A Love Letter to Mom…

You were just seventeen when you gave birth to me. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like to be such a young mother. The next few years were hard times, but we made it through…together, and not once did you ever make me feel unwanted or unloved. Not ever. I watched you keep your head above water while you sorted shit out, when the only reason you had was me. I watched you work hard to build a life for us that was safe and secure. I don’t know if I could have done the same. But you did. Not for you, but for me.

We laughed. We cried. And we loved hard. We grew up together and along the way, you nurtured the courage, strength, compassion, and love within me. 

And then came the most painful of the roughest times. Times when our relationship fell apart and shattered our hearts into so many pieces, we weren’t sure if we could ever put them all back together. Times so painful that we weren’t sure we would ever be the same.

And we weren’t. Not for a while. Not until we started healing. But then we were better, because all of the pain and crazy stuff we went through forced us to have to get really real. You showed me that through the gut wrenching hardest of times, it’s still possible to find love. You taught me that no matter how much you’ve been hurt, it’s never enough to stop loving yourself and others. Your humility, truth, and owning up to your decisions, continue to teach me that none of us is perfect, but we’re always worthy. It taught me the beauty of acceptance and forgiveness, and possibly the greatest gift of all…unconditional love.

You inspire me everyday to expand upon my capacity for greater love and compassion. 

Life is messy and love can be too. It’s realizing that we eff up. Yeah, we eff up, and sometimes we eff up to the point of unintentionally hurting the ones we love. We can let it harden us and be a catalyst for blame, or serve as a catalyst to work through all the darkness to a beautiful place. I remember reading a quote that said – “There are some things you can only learn in a storm”…we’ve weathered some intense storms together and through it all, I’m forever grateful that we both chose to do the hard work, to see the beauty through the pain. “Stars can’t shine without darkness.”

You’ve stood by my side during some of my darkest moments, and have always been my biggest fan. Not only are you my mother…you are my best friend.

I have loved you from the very first moment our eyes met, you held me in your arms, and caressed my chubby little fingers and toes. Daughter to mother, woman to woman…the love I have for you is a result of a bond that goes so deep, a bond too deep for words to fully express. Heart to heart, soul to soul…you are my rock, you are my love, you are my light…you are my beautiful mother, so worth the journey…I love you, mom ♥